ONE BIG DILDOE
Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Guitars, Mike Britton on Bass and Nick Brown on Drums
It has the legendary Phosphorous Donkey on it and like most of the Demos recorded
during this time was Recorded useing CRAP SOUND tm Incorperating the patanted
japs eye technology of very bad small microphones with names like Dynamic.
TWO MILK JUGS
Was a live recording taken from a video of our bristol debut at the Thekla
It Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Guitars, Mike Britton on Guitars, Ted Tanner on Drums
Lucy Whitfield on Bass and Mark Tanner on Electric Drill and Strangeness
Was our first Acoustic Recording and Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Acoustic Guitar,
Mike Britton on Acoustic Guitar, Bass and Electric Guitar and Alex Ormont on Vocals for
the song Dilated eyes. It was recorded on mikes dads JVC tape deck with the levels on
full and to alter the levels we moved a microphone around the room.
It contains an acoustic version of Phosphorous Donkey a love song called love hurts
penned by our original drummer Nick Brown and mutilated by Mike & Scott with west
country accents and stupid lyrics thrown in. It also contains an acoustic version
of ...And My Hamster a love song about running away with a hamster because your
relationship isn't goping to well, very silly and very strange.
SQUARE SPOTTY PAPER
Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Guitars, Mike Britton on Bass and Ted Tanner on Drums
It is full of legendary songs like Satans Upholstry Cleaner, The Plastic Trousers of my Youth
Nuns on the Ganga Spank and an electric version of And My Hamster it was recorded on
a 4 track recorder and produced by Mark Tanner. It also features Scott Andrews doing
Vocals on the track Precognition.
Was our Second Acoustic Recording but the first track wasn't acoustic so the band
didn't have to suffer with the stigma of calling the demo an acoustic one.
The First song also features Scott Andrews on Vocals & Guitar. It also features
Alex Ormont playing guitar on Veno Calapso. The demos only redeeming feature is
the smokey smokey smoke smoke in the acoustic version of Nuns on the Ganga.
DONT TRIP ITS DANGEROUS ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONE GETS THERE KNOB OUT AND STARTS THRUSTING
Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Guitars, Mike Britton on Bass and Scott Andrews on Drums
We never played the songs we recorded for this demo ever again after recording them
it is a fantastcly raw recording unfortunatly the songs are just as raw.
The title of this demo came from a true story where a friend of ours had a bourbon
biscuit spiked with acid and started to do this.
Was our Third Acoustic Recording but the first track wasn't acoustic so the band
didn't have to suffer with the stigma of calling the demo an acoustic one.
The First song also features Scott Andrews on Drums. It has no redeeming features
and lots of christmasy songs on it.
Was the first Petulas recording not to feature Scott Legge and was like a breath of fresh
air for me to record without the artistic arguements. I persuaded a couple of the guys
from the band scapegoat who i was playing bass in at the time to play on the recordings
It Features Steve Morgan on Vocals, Nick Brown on Drums & Vocals, Alex Shaw on Bass & Vocals
and Mike Britton on Guitar. It features the songs Mikes A Virgin, God Save Mr Gildersleeve
and I Got Swallowed By A Haddock. It was produced by the help of lots of cheesey toast made
in Mikes sandwich toaster and drinks of water.
MY BEST SHIRT BLOB BOB WOW BAGGER
Features Steve Morgan on Vocals, Mike Britton on Guitar, Alex Shaw on Bass and Pete Jennings
on Drums who was also Mikes band mate from Mr Zippy who Mike was playing Bass for at the
Time. Nick Brown plays Drums on Tracks 1 2 3 4 + 18 and Steven Bartle plays Drums on
Track 5 in which Billy Neath also plays bass on. This tape contains songs like
Taste Your Girlfriend, The Velvet Babies, Fred Enters A Back Street Motel (Rodgers Carpet)
The Mutant Green Cross Rabbit and Attack of the Facial Hair. It also contains a lots of
rubbish. I was never good at sifting out the shit and separating the good from the bad.
MARTYN SPENCER WEAR A NIGHTIE
Features Andy Baker on Vocals & Bass, Mike Britton on Guitar, and Jack Tween on Drums
During almost all of the recordings above Mike got in friends as session musicains to record
his songs rather than record with the actual people who were in Petulas at the time.
Andy was actually playing it Petulas at this moment in time and Jack was also playing
in another band Black Aliss at the time with Mike also. None of the songs on here are
1995 - UNRELEASED RECORDINGS
Features Andy Baker on Vocals & Guitar, Mike Britton on Guitar, Dave Woolf on Bass
and Ted Tanner on Drums. The tracks were recorded on a 1/4 inch reel to reel 4 track recorder
and produced by Mark Tanner. Unfortunatly the original 1/4 reel of the recordings
mysteriously dissopeared and was never seen again and all that is left is a couple of
rough taped mix downs. This lost reel has the best version the band ever recorded of
Cocaine-Hardon with a couple of fantastic guitar solos by andy and a great phyedellic
version of Beautiful Dream with an awesome solo too. We never released it because it
was never finished and properly mixed and never will be due to the lost reel.
1996 - UNRELEASED RECORDINGS
Features James Simpson on Vocals & Acoustic Guitar, Mike Britton on Guitar, Dan Efergan
on Bass and Ted Tanner on Drums. The tracks were recorded on a 1/4 inch reel to reel 4
track recorder and produced by Mark Tanner. But this time the reels were not lost but all
the same we never realesed these tunes either. Which Included Canabis Caretaker,
Codpiece or Coathanger or Maybe Banana and Senna Cant Take Corners.
HERE COME THE CONSTABULARY - EP- 2002
Was recorded in October 2002 in the Whitehouse Recording Studio in Weston Super-Mare
by Martin Nichols and Features Scott Legge on Vocals & Guitar, Ian Maslen on Bass & Vocals,
Nick Brown on Drums & Vocals and Mike Britton on Guitar & Vocal.
It was a very frustrating CD to record and very demanding and we were all really pushed
by Martin to get the best out of us which i personally think was a good thing as we
really needed to be pushed. The end result is very pleasing i just wish more people
liked the CD I've always thought the reason for this is that we are to odd to be mainstream
but to mainstream to be odd, we're just stuck down a reveen somewhere.
Your can buy and listen to samples of all th tracks from the EP HERE...
Diabetic Horse Records...
I got very drunk after the second day of recording after all my parts were done and spent
all of the mixing day either asleep in the recording room or on the loo, it seemed like
a good idea at the time but wasn't at all.
PETULAS FOUR FAVOURITE THINGS - EPILOGUE
We must have written hundreds of songs between us which we only ever played live and never
recorded such as Dr Who, Mr Officer, My Girlfriend Is A Porn Star, Sex Vicar, Octopus Tenticulus and the
classic Toilet Fiend.
...AND I LEAVE YOU IN THE CAPABLE HANDS OF WOOLFIE, LUCY & SCOTT TO FINISH THINGS OFF WITH THERE OWN COMMENTS ON THE TIME THEY SPENT IN P4FT
Petulas 4 Favourite Things in Dave's own words............
Comments by Dave Wolfe via e-mail
Well mike, as you requested, here is P4FT in my own words. All the
dates are fictional, as I've no idea when I joined and left, and
how long I was there for.
"I was more recruited than interviewed for this thang, and only
about a month after I'd heard that the band existed. Having played
the Portishead festival (a-woo-hoo), Mike left in a fit of pique;
something to do with Scott I believe. Anyway, Scott came into the
shop I worked, said that he'd been told I played bass, and would I
join? I did know both Scott and Mike - I went to primary school with
Mike, and cubs with Scott. Hadn't seen either for quite a while.
Having been (re)introduced to everyone - Mike, Scott and Ted, an
abrasive little man who is now one of my closest friends, we started.
The music was fun - no pretensions of grandeur - just stupid songs
with an amusing take on life. The players however, weren't. Ted was
good, no problem there, but Scott.... well, it wasn't so much a
case of delusions of grandeur, as delusions of ability. He just
could not sing. While constantly trying to sound like Kurt Cobain,
which grated for a start, he would blame his failings on everything
else available - the mikes, the soundman, Ted's brother. Still,
after relentless piss-taking, mainly from me, he got fed up and left.
I was now in a band with no original members left, no singer,
and no guitarist. No stopping me now! Mike returned with a little
persuasion, moving up a rung to six-string stardom, but didn't sing.
So, Andy Baker entered the picture. A strange choice, his former band
having been a psychedelic affair, covering the likes of Interstellar
Overdrive. Still, it seemed to work. This was, as far as I'm
concerned, the golden age of Petula's. Before and after never matched
up, and we had fun. The first gig we played together, at the Inkworks,
we were second on the bill. First up, Dive, no-one danced. Then we
played. Wow. I know this isn't very modest, but we rocked! Dan Bright
guested for a cover of Bodies, and everyone was up and jumping.
The Pudding followed, and most sat down (although I love 'em), and
pretty much all went home by the time The Time Flies started - no
less than they deserve. Someone also let down the soundman's tyres -
harsh, but fair.
As quickly as it got good, it started to get bad. Mike decided the
band needed a change of sound, well actually, several. Every week
pretty much. We would no longer play any old songs at gigs, but a
brand new set-list each time. With odd time sig.'s, which for some
reason were imperative. This was too much I liked the old stuff,
and so did the crowd. And what was wrong with the sound? It was
quality bad punk, and we did it well. We weren't an acid-funk-jazz-
blues-beatbox-boy band. We were p4ft. It got to the point where the
set-list was changing so fast that Mike would turn up to gigs with
the bass-lines written on a piece of paper and I'd sight read all the
songs. I had enough, and at the Brewhouse, walked off stage mid-song
and sat down with a pint. What's the point of being in a band if you
don't know what you're playing? We might as well have been session
musicians for Mike.
Then Mike sacked Andy. No real reason was given, the first I heard
about it was when Andy told me. I lost it then. Chewed Mike's bollocks
a little over that. He had no right to make executive decisions
This was it for me. I quit soon after. Andy's replacement was chosen
by Mike without real audition, and didn't, I felt, meet up to
requirements. Upon my departure, I heard from many friends that
"It was a bummer Mike sacked you". Eh? He has now finally conceded
that I left of my own volition.
We still have the odd reunion, get together and play a bit of Ned's.
In the words of Oscar Wilde, "it was, in the most part, a fucking good
Petulas 4 Favourite Things in Lucys own words............
Comments by Lucy Whitfield via e-mail
Joining Petula's Four Favourite Things was simultaneously both the worst and
best drunken mistake I ever made.
The worst for a number of reasons. For a start, I'd barely had 6 months of
bass guitar lessons, and really hadn't a clue what I was doing half the
time. The music wasn't to my taste either, and as for Scott Legge.My mother
once described his vocals as a cross between Zed from the Police Academy
films, and Reg Gumby in Monty Python. His behaviour was also akin to a
gumby, with a sprinkling of teenage yob around the edges. I can only hope
he's improved with age.
However, as with most adolescent experiences, being with P4FT had its good
points. I got to play at the Thekla and be a rock star for an evening - even
if Ted does still believe that he unplugged the bass half way through
(listen to the tape and you'll find it's still there). I got to watch my
younger sister work her way through my band members, and fought my own fair
share of admirers off too. And I learned an awful lot about bands and
teamwork that I still use in my musical activities today.
Quite apart from joining Petulas, I made quite a few silly mistakes in those
couple of years, not all of them alcohol induced. Part of being a teenager -
and apologies to all involved, you know who you are.
A mistake it might have been, and in all the experiences I gained from
Telekinesis, a short-lived P4FT side project, were probably better - but
Petulas got the ball rolling, and for that I'm grateful.
As you can see from the above comments I have managed to earn the love and respect
of my former bandmates, in fairness I can't complain too much because they are
generally fair if a little unkind. in my defence I was very young when I played
with both these guys and maturity and talent were conspicuous by their absence from
the entire project I think. Still we had fun, which was the point as far as I was aware.
I would draw your attention to the review of Here Come The Constabulary available on this
site which is much nicer about my vocals (which had improved greatly). For those who would
like to judge for themselves I encourage you check out Solar Furnace which is what I'm up to now.
Wolfy isn't doing any music as far as I know which is a shame 'cos he's a good bass player
Lucy was engaged in a folk project last time I saw her (years ago) and I hope she still is
because it was a damn good show and it seemed much more up her kind of thing than dubious punk.
As for the others...
well least said soonest mended.
p4ft is one of the most amusing things I've ever done and as my good friend Maz writes on
his facebook page we occasionally earned enough money to buy both beer and crisps.